


That would be enough

by WatchforWitches



Series: Whumptober 2019 [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Closeted Character, Gen, Parabatai Bond, Parabatai Feels, Whumptober 2019, Young Alec Lightwood, young Jace Wayland
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-11-22 07:34:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20870540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WatchforWitches/pseuds/WatchforWitches
Summary: Alec's feels an abundance of feelings through Jace's side of the parabatai bond.Aka Jace loses his virginity and Alec has feelings about it





	That would be enough

**Author's Note:**

> Day two of Whumptober- Explosion
> 
> I had trouble with this one, I hope you like it!

Alec felt an explosion of feelings through his parabatai bond, and it was so intense it woke him from his deep sleep. 

Jace and him had been parabatai for a little over a year now, and sometimes Alec still forgot that his heart was not only his own. In specific moments of pain, excitement, fear or sadness, Alec could feel the spill over of Jace's feelings into his own. He tried to tamper his own side of the bond as much as he could, as much as he knew how. His own emotions were dangerous things, especially around Jace. 

Of course his parabatai didn't have to care about tampering anything down. So Alec woke up with the force of a combination of feelings he never felt. There was happiness, definitely, but also waves of something Alec uncomfortably knew was lust, or close to lust. 

He rubbed at his eyes and blinked several times, ensuring he wasn't dreaming. He could tell, logically, that they were Jace's feelings, not his own, but he couldn't help but worry. But he was awake, and he wasn't hard, and his sheets weren't wet, so he knew at least for sure it wasn't him. 

He wasn't sure if this made things better or worse. He had to get up and walk around his room, to regain his own physicality through the waves of these feelings. He made his way to the bathroom adjoined to his room, and when he looked in the mirror his pupils were blown wide. He looked like he had just been in a fight, and his cheeks were flushed a deep red colour. He couldn't tell if it was his own fault or not. The parabatai oath, the greybook, and any recorded information of parabatai there was didn't delve into these aspects of the bond. They were shadowhunters, the concept of parabatai was to be good in a fight, to train together to kill demons. There was nothing recorded that bothered itself with the idea of emotions through the bond, how physical the manifestation of these feelings went. 

Alec felt the telltale guilt in his stomach he so often felt when he thought about his parabatai. Thought of Izzy's face of pity once she had realized the reason for Alec's hesitations at becoming Jace's parabatai. He knew he wouldn't sleep well tonight, at least until these heart pounding feelings faded, but he lay back in bed anyways. He fitfully closed his eyes and willed the ideas of what Jace was doing as far away as he could. 

It was worse when he saw him at breakfast in the morning. Jace was never a morning person. He woke up early sure, would train with Alec, would eat breakfast in the dining area, but he was never happy about it. Jace had always needed coffee or food or three extra hours of sleep until he smiled at all in the am hours. But when Alec looked up to greet his parabatai, he had a wicked wide grin on his face. He looked pleased in a way that he rarely ever did. "You certainly look cheerful this morning," Alec joked, taking a sip of orange juice. 

"Yeah," Jace replied, settling into his seat. "I finally lost my virginity last night." 

Alec felt like he had just put a bomb on the table between them. If he did anything that could light a fuse in that moment, it would surely explode, ruining everything. They had always been open, always talked about everything. Alec sort of knew this would come one day, and he dreaded it anytime he thought about it. He supposed, as he carefully swallowed his orange juice and looked up at Jace, that he had to get this over with. 

"No way," Alec spoke, feigning an almost joyful disbelief.

"Yeah," Jace nodded, not even noticing Alec's small pause of silence. "You know that girl from some of our classes when we were in the academy? Natalie?" 

Alec had remembered her. She was very pretty, he would admit. A short girl with a blond bob haircut, she had always had eyes for Jace in the way that most girls around Jace did. "Yeah," he replied simply. 

"Yeah well she was visiting New York so her family is staying at the institute. We went out last night together and yeah," Jace beamed, "She came back to my room and things happened from there. You know how it is with girls." 

Alec felt like he was going to be sick, but he pushed aside his feelings and nodded along with Jace. "Totally," he laughed through a breath, "So are you guys going out now?" 

Jace shakes his head, "Nah. She's going back to California today. We agreed to just hang out last night and left it there. But man it was crazy," Jace grabbed Alec's arm which startled his parabatai without him noticing, "It feels great. You know how you always kind of worry it won't be as good as everyone talks about? Or like you won't know how to get her off? Yeah all that shit doesn't matter once it's actually happening. It all sort of just happens. It was great." 

"Oh man," Alec fakes a smile and interest, "That's great." 

Jace took a bite of toast before talking around it. "Don't worry buddy, you'll find a girl soon too. And you know you can always ask me if you need advice." 

"Thanks," Alec swallows around the lump in his throat, waiting for Jace to divert his attention to his food before allowing his face to fall. 

He would never find a girl. He would never have sex or feel the flurry of feelings he had second hand though Jace. He wouldn't get any of that because he was gay, and shadowhunters weren't allowed to be gay, and nobody even knew other than Izzy. Jace looked back up at him and smiled, Alec's heart skipped a beat and he gave a small smile back. 

At least Jace could experience these things. At least his parabatai could be happy, even if Alec couldn't, not in the same way anyways. 

He could keep his siblings safe, he could be a great fighter, he could become a leader one day. And this would have to be enough for him.


End file.
